Many of us have been blessed with a child or children, either through natural means, adoption or heart connection. You may naturally know how to love  your child , but often need to know  what to do when your child is hurting. Being a parent is both the most rewarding and most challenging roles we play in our lifetime. We experience the indescribable joy of a heart swollen to bursting with love , yet sometimes sadly experience the most excruciating pain through loss, disappointment or rejection.

By the grace of God,  we as parents, endure the hardships and pain of life which we all will experience one time or another. We survive, press on and hold on because we have anchored our hope to Jesus Christ, but no matter how much we want to, we can not carry our child’s pain. We are spectators, feeling every hurt our child is suffering, desperate to take on our child’s pain and bear it for him/her, but we sadly cannot.

I was recently in just that position. Knowing first hand what a devastating heart-break feels like, I wanted to crawl out of my body and surround my son with my love and comfort and the reassurance, that all will be well. The tears I cried when I witnessed his heart-wrenching sobs, and my helplessness in the emotional tsunami he was experiencing, threatened to create a tsunami of it’s own.

When my heart was shattered in a painful betrayal, it nearly drowned me and threatened to  suck me down into a deep, bottomless abyss. Facing my children,  job , family, friends and  life duties with my broken self, was the hardest thing I ever had to do.

My firm grounding in the Lord Jesus Christ ( although having strayed from His path at times), was literally my saving grace. God showed himself faithful to me and I grabbed hold of His throne. I held on for dear life and found healing and restoration in the loving arms of Jesus.

How do I teach my son, to stand in the face of unspeakable pain?

My painful lessons, were mine and I had to go through and grow through my pain. I realized that Christopher had to go through the fire of affliction too. This fire we go through , we have to count as “pure joy ” because it is in the fire of affliction that character and patience is developed. We cannot pray for patience, it has to be developed. It is a by-product of tribulations. Similarly character is forged through trials and tribulations. We do our children a great disservice when we deny them the fire experiences and try to “save” them from every difficulty.

When your child is hurting, it is your love for him that should get you to be hands off and head bowed (in prayer).
When you submit your worries and cares to our Creator, trust in His unfailing wisdom and surrender your child to Jesus, He will surround your child with His love, comfort, strength and guidance better than you ever can.

Jesus did it all for us at the cross.

As you look to Him, your children will too. You model to your children who it is that you turn to in times of difficulty and pain. You show them who your refuge is when storms rage against your life. Jesus is your refuge from the storm Isaiah 25:4 and He will be theirs too.

Let’s talk around Jesus and share treasures found in His word. Send insights or requests for prayerful support to charlene@godsradiance.com



  • Sharon Bhikha

    What an encouragement Charlene, beautiful penned. Our tendency as humans is to protect our loved ones from that fire. The fire is there for refinement. Thank you sharing this beautiful article, God bless you x

    • Charlene Foster

      Good Morning Sharon
      Thank you for your taking the time to read the post and for your encouragement. It helps us to know the purpose of trials in our life, but even when we don’t know, we know THE ONE who does. Our trust is in Him. God bless you .

    • Charlene Foster

      Good day Di
      Yes, this is a difficult thing we as parents have to do for our kids. We often don’t know how to strike the balance between loving them and “growing ” them. We need God’s help and wisdom, which James 1:5 encourages us to ask of God. “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and He will give it to you”

      God bless you my sister.

  • Charmaine

    Hi Charlene
    Thanks for sharing. I can wholeheartedly relate to your message.
    I surrender my daughter to our Creator in 2016 when she was hurting and yes He surrounded her with His undying love, comfort, strength and guidance. We serve an awesome GOD.

    • Charlene Foster

      Hi Charmaine
      Thank you for your insight. We truly have an amazing Father, who teaches us how to love, as well as equips us to love as He does. God bless you as you continue to look to Him ( and encourage your daughter to do so too) for all of life’s challenges.

      How old is your daughter? Maybe my latest post “Which mirror is your daughter looking into? “, will bless her and you.


  • Emelda Derbyshire

    Just read your post again about what to do when your child hurts. It hit me like a bomb today and made me realize that even fighting constantly with your kids keeping them on the right path can be just as damaging. They see it as controlling and you see it as just trying to teach them so that life can be easier. That’s the furthest from the truth. Only by making mistakes and learning from their own mistakes teaches them. We also need them to be accountable and responsible when they do. Thanks for this post as it means something different every day even though it’s the same. I still have so much to learn

    • Charlene Foster

      That is the beauty of God’s word. Each time it is read, a new revelation emerges. God is such a faithful parent and He is so patient: if we do not pass the test, He lets us take it again and again until we do. We really should learn (quickly if possible) to follow His example because He lets us go through the refining process until we are ready to reflect Him. The difference is, HE KNOWS that we are going to come out better and stronger and has NO FEAR of the future. We should TRUST HIM and LET GO. The fire is good for us, and is good for our children. They will be fine (IF we leave them in God’s hands).

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